Take These Broken Wings
by midlands-lass
Summary: What happens when Laura's gallows humour fails her? Set in the spring after Robbie and Laura get together. Takes place before "Entry Wounds". Angst and fluff. . .
1. Chapter 1

It was late morning on a Saturday and Robbie Lewis was at a loose end.

He'd tidied up the downstairs, cleaned both the en-suite and the big bathroom, hoovered the whole house and put away a load of washing before changing the bedsheets and duvet cover for freshly washed ones. He made himself a coffee and pulled out his phone from his jeans pocket.

He prodded the screen of the phone and wrote a message to Laura.

_Fancy meets fir lined?_

He swore as he read it back and prodded at the screen again.

_Fancy meeting for lunch?_

He knew it was a long shot but it was a Saturday after all. Laura was on call and, ever efficient with her use of time had gone into the Lab to finish off some reports and to oversee a batch of tests that had been scheduled. She worked too hard but he could never scold her for it, he had done the same. Still, he missed her, especially at the weekend.

He waited to see if she might reply straight away but there was no response. He drank his coffee and looked out into the back garden. It was early spring, the clocks had gone forward and the garden was kicking into life. Laura kept a good garden with plants for each season. There were daffodils out on the edge of the lawn and some bluebells were in leaf waiting in the wings for warmer weather. Against the walls were evergreens and flowering shrubs with blossoms that filled the early spring air with sweet scents.

On the pergola that surrounded the patio a blackbird was eyeing the grass for worms. It sidestepped along the wooden frame and then hopped into the grape vine. It looked across to the kitchen window where Robbie was looking out and cocked its head. Robbie looked back at the bird with a smile. He had been feeding the blackbird all winter and they had struck up a bit of a rapport. When the bird saw Robbie move to the back door it swooped down in a fast and confident line to the flagstones outside the kitchen. Robbie opened the door and stepped out into the spring sunshine.

"Come on then Lad" he said and threw a handful of bird food down to the waiting bird who went straight to it, its beak scraping on the smooth gritstone as it pecked at the seed.

Robbie looked up to the sky, it was a cold clear blue with the promise of warmer times to come but the air was chilly. Huge, crisp white rain clouds towered upwards, their tops turning into anvils that warned of heavy rain and thunder. The blackbird pecked at the seeds and then with a glassy shrill sounding alarm call it flew off and over the wall. A cloud slipped between the earth and the sun and it suddenly felt very cold.

Robbie heard his phone chime.

_Sorry just had a call out. It will be a late one. You eat. I'll get something when I get in. See you later. X_

_Damn_ he thought. _That's Saturday done for then_. Poor Laura, she'd already had a bad few weeks with several violent deaths on the mortuary table. All very dark, even for Laura. He still didn't know how she managed to keep on top of it all without some sort of burn out. Before they'd got together he knew she often went away out of Oxford, even if only for a few days. It must have helped her as she never seemed affected by her job. He knew she went for counselling, and she made sure it was a service available to her team. Despite this he'd never seen her affected by her work; it was one of the things that made her brilliant at her job. She was always full of a black humour with many cases, but there was also a deep sensitivity towards both the living and the dead that he always saw in her work. She seemed able to switch her emotions on and off at will.

Knowing he would now be at a total loose end all day he poured another mug of coffee from the pot, and with a sigh, dropped down heavily onto the sofa to look at the tv listings. There was some sport on, football and snooker at least. He enjoyed watching sport but it was more enjoyable when Laura was about. She would tell him what a waste of time it was to watch sport on tv but she would always end up watching it alongside him. She would end up asking him about the rules of the game or the form of a certain team or a tactic. Despite this she would still maintain what a waste of time it was. But secretly he knew she would get drawn in and keep an eye on it. Sometimes she would sit and read one of her journals at the other end of the sofa and, at the start of a game or match, ask Robbie what the point was of a whole sports match that came down to one point or penalty. _And what was the point of watching it anyway?_ They would discuss it at length and she would hold her argument all the way. By the end of the match she would have discarded her reading and would be watching the match resolve, all the time shouting insults at the players. He pretended to be annoyed with her but secretly he loved it. How he had missed it. Idle time, spent frivolously, it seemed, teasing each other and just talking and laughing. Laura loved it too. She loved to wind him up but then found herself asking him seriously about the rules of a game or about a player's style. In spite of this she would tell him, yet again, what a monumental waste of time it was to watch a sports match and he would argue back that it was no different to going to watch someone perform a piece of music. At this she reluctantly had to admit he had a point.

He smiled to himself. _Stubborn lass_. To be fair they could both be stubborn, in their professional lives it was often a necessary and important trait. It meant things got done properly. In other walks of life it could be a hinderance.

After his lunch Robbie went out to buy a Saturday paper. The air was fresh and there was a cold wind but when the clouds slipped away from the sun he felt it warming his back. An Atlantic depression was making its way up the country and the sky was an ever-changing catalogue of cloud textures and shapes and metallic shades of grey and silver-white against the shining blue patches of clear sky.

As he walked back from the shop, Robbie looked up at the branches of the cherry tree at the end of the road as he passed by it. It was in blossom, its pink delicate petals already taking a hit from a few heavy drops of silver rain that had started to fall.

It started to pour down as Robbie got back to the house. He was glad to get inside. He made a cup of tea and watched as it came down in curtains of thick cold rain. It got heavier and the rain briefly turned to hail. It was cold and the sky was clear blue in parts and a thick pewter where the base of the storm clouds had gathered. In the distance there was a low rumble of thunder and the sun illuminated the hard-edged cumulonimbus clouds that were towering into the sky. Robbie watched as almost as suddenly as it had started, the rain and hail stopped and the sun flushed the sky with light and bathed the wet leaves of the trees with gold and made the grass sparkle like emeralds.

For the rest of the afternoon he pottered about the house and did a few jobs before watching a snooker match on the telly. For some odd reason he felt restless. He wished Laura was home and found himself smiling at the fact that he missed her and that she would be home later even if it was late. He loved his new found life with her and the clarity with which he found himself aware of how happy he felt to be with her. He allowed himself to admit that he also missed work and working with her. He sighed_. You can't have it all_ he thought.

At 6pm he made himself some beans on toast, lit the wood burning stove in the front room and then settled down to watch the rest of the snooker. He hoped Laura would be home soon and that she might have had chance to eat something while at work. She wasn't good at eating on the job especially if she was busy.

As the evening wore on he'd started to get worried. He didn't want to text her if she was busy, especially just to ask her if she was ok. Newly retired and with no formal links to the station he'd had no way of finding out what might be going on only that for her to have been on a call out for so long meant that it was something serious. Something grim. Part of him also worried about her and where she was. The trauma of Val's death still echoed around his life, ever so distantly. He couldn't bear to think of something happening to Laura. He was rational enough to know that if anything did happen she was with the right people and that he'd be told immediately.

Still, he dared not go down that particular avenue in his mind.

At 9pm he went into the kitchen and got himself a bottle of beer from the fridge. He went to the back door and opened it for a breath of fresh air. Outside the night was wild with cold wind and moonlight, storm clouds seemed to race, pushed by invisible forces. In the places where the clouds were briefly absent the sky was like dark blue velvet and peppered with stars that shone coldly, tossed between the ragged silver ripped clouds. There was a beauty in the moonlight but there was rain in the wind and Robbie felt a shiver pass through him. He frowned and closed the door onto the night.

He went back to the warmth of the stove and read the paper and idly watched the snooker. He kept checking his watch, it seemed, every 2 minutes or so.

Eventually just before 11pm when the logs in the stove had almost burnt out, he heard Laura's key in the door. There was the sound of it closing behind her and her locking it. Despite the familiarity of the routine there was no call of _hello_. He went quickly into the hallway, smiling and ready to greet her as usual. He expected to see her as she always was, bright and not always cheery perhaps, but always with a spark of something even when she was tired. Instead of this he saw her face shadowed in a way he'd never witnessed before.

It soon became apparent that it was a face that she'd not shown to him. Until now.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you all for reading my stories and leaving your comments. I really appreciate every one of them, it inspires me to write to know that people are reading my fics. I hoped as I drafted this story that there might be a bit more substance to it but as usual I have a feeling fluff, in the end, will reign. . . ( and also a bonus M chapter is probably waiting in the wings ) thanks again for reading**.

* * *

In the hallway, Laura held a postcard that had arrived from one of her nieces. Despite looking down at the writing on it she seemed not to register it, just stared blankly so that the postcard became a random object in her hand. Robbie was alarmed, he'd never seen her like this. He looked at her and saw she was avoiding his eyes. There was an unfamiliar deep furrow of a frown lodged above the bridge of her nose.

"You ok?" He ventured. There was no response. It was his turn to frown, with concern for her. He went to go towards her to hug and kiss her as he usually did. Her coat was covered in an irregular polka dot pattern where raindrops had fallen on it and he caught the scent of the cold stormy air on her clothes and hair. He spoke again, softly "Bad day?"

"Yes" was all she replied and sidestepped by him as she went upstairs without another word.

Robbie floundered. Despite his years of training and experience he wasn't sure how to handle this. How to handle _her_ being like this. Especially now they were together. In the past he'd always known when she might have been in a bad mood or even on the warpath over a case but this was very different. The spark that kept her going through difficult investigations was absent, this was something else he'd not seen before. He suddenly became acutely aware of how much there might still be to know about her; he'd had no idea that her work could affect her to this extent. It scared him. In the grand scheme of things they hadn't been living together long; things were still new. The architecture of sharing a life, sharing thoughts and emotions was still fresh and wonderful but also sometimes unfamiliar to them both. Despite their long working friendship their new level of intimacy had brought shadows with it as well as the light. Robbie had been familiar with darkness in his own life but now he saw it eclipsing Laura it alarmed and upset him.

Robbie went upstairs and followed her into the bedroom. He saw her glance over her shoulder at him. He went towards her again, desperate to offer some sort of comfort, however perfunctory, but she turned away from him once more.

"Are you ok?" He asked softly and inwardly cursing himself as the words left his lips. _Of course she's not ok. _"Is there anything I can do?"

"To be honest I just want to have a bath and then go to bed and sleep, Robbie"

"Ok, but at least have something to eat. I bet you haven't eaten? Let me make you some toast"

"Ok" She nodded, lips tight and eyes down. She really didn't feel like eating but it was a way to end the discussion. She took her coat off and uncharacteristically dumped it onto the bed and went into the en-suite closing the door behind her.

It seemed she had shut him out in more ways than one but Robbie was wise enough to see that it wasn't him she was railing against.

"I'll put some toast on. Come down when you're ready" he said to the closed door. He waited a moment but there was no answer. He picked up her jacket off the bed and hung it in the wardrobe before going downstairs.

In the bathroom Laura looked at herself in the mirror. She suddenly felt very alone. It was a cruel paradox. She usually dealt with episodes like this on her own and it was unfamiliar territory to have someone else involved at this point. Even Robbie. _Especially _Robbie. She didn't want him to know about how much things got to her sometimes. She'd always been the strong one for him and now she felt she should have enough strength to deal with this without having to drag him into it. She knew it was irrational to feel like this. The one thing she wanted to do was to fall into his arms and tell him about the day she'd had but somehow she couldn't let herself. She thought of all the times she'd helped him and listened to him and let him talk and now she couldn't face having to put the load on him. Frowning and with tears starting to prick at her eyes she opened the bathroom cabinet and reached to the back of the shelf for a pill bottle. She took it out and looked at the white valium tablets through the brown plastic bottle. It had been a while since she'd needed them, not since before the previous summer.

In the kitchen Robbie busied himself with putting away his lunch and dinner dishes that had long dried on the draining rack. He made a pot of tea for Laura. The rain flecked against the glass of the backdoor and he could hear the wind rattling through the garden and blowing a rouge plastic plant pot about.

After 10 minutes she came downstairs.

He made her some toast and she took a few mouthfuls and a sip of tea. He sensed that he shouldn't ask her again how she was, so he retreated from the kitchen and left her to eat on her own at the table and went to read the paper. He kept an eye on her all the time from his place on the sofa in the small sitting area that extended on from the kitchen. When he saw her take her plate to the sink he stood up.

"I'll run a bath for you" He said with a smile.

"It's fine, stop fussing, please, I'm fine. I can run it myself" the furrow between her eyes accompanied the irritated tone of her voice.

"I know you can" He said gently, nodding his head. Again, he sensed it was better to leave her be; despite wanting to help her he could see she obviously needed some time to herself. He watched as she went upstairs and then listened for the sound of the taps turning on and the rush of water. He waited for 10 minutes until he knew she'd be in the bath, then he turned off the lights and checked the doors before heading upstairs.

Laura stayed in the bath for longer than she needed to. She found herself drifting off into random thoughts related to the day she'd had, going over things she'd said or discovered but not in a helpful way. Usually, after a bad day, she'd have a bath and it would help her both switch off and also process her findings to the point where she'd be able to conclude what she would be writing in her reports. But not tonight. She knew she'd reached saturation point. "Burn out" as it was known. This hadn't happened since she had been with Robbie. She didn't want him to see her like this. There was no need for him to know that things got to her so acutely. As bad as it was, it would pass and she could just cover it from him. She would deal with it like she always did – a Valium to knock her out and then on Monday morning she could schedule a meeting with a counsellor. They were usually pretty quick, she would probably get an appointment on Monday or Tuesday sometime. Robbie didn't even need to know about the valium, it was late and she could just take it before she tried to go to sleep. Her thoughts drifted again. She saw flashes and images from the day but remained unaware she was running it all through in her head.

A soft knock on the bathroom door startled her back into the present.

"Are you ok Love?" Robbie's voice drifted through from the hallway and Laura suddenly realised the bath had lost its heat.

"I'm fine. I'm getting out now" Robbie heard her voice through the door. She sounded irritated again.

"Sorry, I was just checking you were ok, you've been in there 40 minutes"

"I'm fine." She wasn't. She shivered as she reached for her bathrobe, the bath going cold hadn't done her any favours and goose pimples pulled at the skin on her arms and thighs. She yanked the plug in the bath and watched the water drain away for a moment and then went into the bedroom.

Robbie was washing his face in the en-suite and saw her reflection in the mirror as she came into the room. She looked small in the bathrobe and a bit pale and he knew that the bath hadn't worked in its intention of soothing and warming her.

He dried his face quickly and then went into the bedroom. Laura was perched on the bed, still in her robe. He went and sat down next to her.

"You look shattered Love. Have you had enough to eat? I bet you didn't have much lunch?"

"I had some banana"

"Some?" They both knew as a doctor she should know better, but they both knew the reality of a tense working situation. Breaks and meals were difficult at the best of times but when adrenalin was high eating was the last thing on the list to do.

"Do you want me to get you another cup of tea, one of your herbal ones?"

Her face softened slightly at his offer and her voice sounded less strained "No, thanks, I just want some water"

He knew she wanted the water to take a Valium. She'd moved the bottle of pills in the bathroom cabinet.

Not long after he'd moved in with her he'd come across the bottle at the back of bathroom cabinet but hadn't mentioned it to her as it didn't seem much of an issue. He knew she must use them to sleep – she'd even said so once, when Ligeia had died but he was certain it was only in dire situations and he'd noted at the time that there were only 3 capsules in the bottle he'd seen in the bathroom cabinet. He saw earlier that 3 remained.

Robbie wasn't sure how to broach the subject but it was something he felt he needed to say.

"Listen love, I know I don't know what you've been through today but I know you want to take a tablet, but maybe you can manage without. I know they work a treat but they can make you feel so rotten in the morning."

She frowned and continued to look away from him. _Bloody hell_ she cursed to herself. _Of course he knows about the Valium. It's no secret and he's a bloody detective for Christ sake_. She should have been more careful and either just taken them earlier or kept them hidden. But that in itself felt wrong. She didn't want to hide anything from him yet here she was trying to keep to herself the one thing that periodically tore her apart. A tightness began to pull at her throat and she fought tears. She would not let them rise. She swallowed hard to compose herself and push the tears back.

"Nothing else helps, Robbie." Her voice was tight and strained. "The Valium knocks me out, I sleep and in the morning I get up. And then I get on with the day. End of."

Robbie studied her face. He could see she was trying hard to keep from crying. As he spoke he kept his voice quiet. He didn't want to trouble her further. "I know, I'm sure it does the job, I just don't like the thought of you having to resort to a pill. I'm not saying don't take one, just to wait a bit, see if. . ."

"For god's sake, Robbie, just leave it" she snapped. Despite her spiked response he put his arm round her and pulled her to him. At first she resisted but he held on to her and she softened a little.

Still avoiding his eyes she spoke, her voice distant and quavering through an emotional sigh. "I'm sorry, Robbie. I didn't mean to bite your head off, I'm just tired"

"Hey It's ok. You know what I'm like when I don't get my sleep - can't be worse than that eh?" He looked at her, smiling, hoping to get one back from her but she continued to look away. He squeezed her gently "You'll feel better after a good rest. I'm sure you'll drop off, don't worry"

"It's not so much the sleeping, Robbie, it's waking up in the night" She looked down at her feet. Finally she had let him in a little and he began to realise what might be at the root of her distress.

"I'll be here, you can wake me at any time if I'm not already awake" Robbie spoke softly but with assurance.

"What if I can't sleep?"

"I'll hold you. Until you do. And if you still can't sleep you can take a tablet then – We can put them by the bed"

She hesitated, still staring down at her feet. He hoped that giving her the option of taking a tablet would feel like a safety net, one that he hoped she wouldn't need.

He gently hugged her again.

"Maybe it's worth a try?" He ventured quietly, eyebrows raised in hope.

She suddenly realised he spoke from the experience of years of nights spent in desolation, on his own with his thoughts and despair and for a moment she was able to switch her focus from herself.

"Ok" she said almost inaudibly, finally looking at him.

He smiled at her and pulled her a little closer, kissing her temple.

"You're getting cold, come on, get changed and into bed. There's clean pyjamas and fresh bedsheets and duvet, that'll help you sleep." He rubbed her arm to try and transfer some warmth into her.

"I'll get you a glass of water while you get changed. Here."

He reached behind her to get a pair of night clothes that he'd put under the pillow earlier in the day after he'd changed the sheets.

"These are fresh today, get changed before you freeze."

He handed her the pyjamas and stood up. She felt the warmth from him fade as soon as he left her. But she did as he suggested and went to get changed.

Robbie went downstairs and at the kitchen sink ran the tap for a while to draw up some cold fresh water and filled a tumbler three quarters full. He peered through the kitchen window. Outside the rain was falling and he could tell the drops were heavy and big. He could hear them hitting the tin watering can. He hoped the storm would pass without thunder; it wouldn't exactly aid restful sleep for Laura.

Turning off the kitchen light he took the tumbler of water and headed back upstairs. He sighed. He had a feeling it was going to be a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

Back upstairs Laura brushed her teeth and got into the pyjamas. They were brushed cotton and winter ones really, but she was glad of them tonight. Robbie was right, she was freezing and hadn't really noticed. She was suddenly aware that her feet were cold and seemed to feel colder when she got into bed. She shivered. Robbie appeared through the bedroom door with the water and placed it on the bedside table then sat down next to her. He noticed she hadn't got the pills but he didn't say anything. If she wanted them he could get them for her later. He didn't want to bring the subject back again. He knew it wasn't up to him what she did, if she wanted to take a knockout dose he wasn't going to stop her but he hoped she wouldn't. He'd had experience of prescription opioids before and he had nothing against them for a one-off use but when a doctor had once prescribed them for him after Val's death they had done nothing for his grief. If anything it had made things worse. They didn't get rid of the problem you were trying to hide from.

"You sure you don't want another cup of tea?"

"No, thanks" then, almost as if she was thinking aloud, she spoke again

"My feet are cold"

Her voice was quiet and she suddenly seemed vulnerable and small under the mass of the duvet. He plunged his hands under the covers and took her feet into his hands. They were ice cold and he wondered if perhaps she was in some mild sort of shock. He still had no idea of what she'd been doing in the call out. Her feet felt small in his hands and he realised that he never perceived her as small or fragile. She was such a strong personality she seemed to transcend any physical and opposite characteristics. The chill of her feet took the warmth from his hands as he rubbed them.

"We'll soon get you warm eh?" And smiling he looked up to her. She was crying. The warmth and gentle touch of his hands and his simple kindness towards her had finally broken her. She felt wretched. This was exactly what she had wanted to avoid.

"Hey, it's ok" He said wrapping his arms around her. "Shh" he soothed but she wept quietly despite his efforts. He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead and felt useless to help her but after a while her tears started to abate. He wiped her cheeks with his thumb. He had never seen her cry before except during the case involving Ligea. Other than that he'd seen her sad and upset and affected by things but never seen her actually crying. Ever. His heart ached at this fact. It must have been some day. He simply held her to him and then after a few minutes when her tears had finally stopped he kissed her cheek. Having never seen her like this or even known it was something that happened he became aware that perhaps she was letting some sort of guard down, for or because of him. He hoped he could help her.

"I'm going to get changed and clean my teeth, I'll be back in a sec, ok?"

She nodded and wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand.

Robbie quickly changed into his usual night attire of cotton pyjama bottoms and a soft jersey T-shirt and after a quick brush of his teeth and he was back in bed as promised. He turned off the lights except the one in the corner of the room that cast a low glow not enough to read by but not to be intrusive to the process of dropping to sleep.

In bed he gently pulled Laura up to him, spooning her with a protective and warming embrace.

"You're still cold, come on, let's get you warmed up. I bet those feet are still like ice eh?"

She drew her knees up and he pulled her in closer. His hand reached round to her feet and he wrapped his fingers and palm around her toes to warm them up. "I won't tickle them, I promise" he said, attempting a bit of humour some sort of trivia but there was no response.

His other hand went to her hair and he gently stroked it hoping that it might help. Her body felt tense and he could feel the stress in her muscles as he held her. He frowned, he worried she wouldn't be able to sleep. Maybe her use of the diazepam wasn't such a bad idea after all. Outside the rain was gathering momentum again, rattling against the window as if someone was throwing gravel at the panes. In the distance there was a soft rumble of thunder.

After a while he ventured with a quiet voice "Are you warming up a bit yet?"

He felt her nod but she didn't speak. He didn't know if she wanted to talk to him about what had upset her or if she might keep it for a counselling session.

"You must be dead tired, Love, you've had a long day"

"Yes"

"Do you want to talk about it?" He felt this was a clumsy way to signal to her that he was there for her, to listen to her, but right now there didn't seem to be another way to say it.

"No." She said.

He was about to tell her it didn't matter and she could talk when she felt like it or not at all when, with a desperate voice, she suddenly spoke.

"Talk to me Robbie, tell me a story, about . . . anything, I don't care, when you were younger, anything. . ."

He sensed straight away that she was asking for a distraction and that she knew he could do that for her.

He pulled her into him a little closer and continued to gently stroke her hair. She felt his lips press a kiss into the skin just behind her ear and then quietly he spoke.

"Did I ever tell you about the first time I went to London?"

He didn't wait for an answer and he knew there wouldn't be one so he just continued to talk. He spoke quietly and slowly to her and the gentle rhythm of his voice and the lull of the story he told slowly began to soothe her. It wasn't a spectacular story but he seemed to have the knack of talking about trivial things and rendering them into a narrative that had warmth and humour and a glimpse into his past. Laura listened and as his tale unfolded he talked about teenage adventures with his friend; train journeys and hitchhiking, pubs and a boarding house. He embellished the odd thing here and there in the same way a fisherman might add a few pounds onto a story about his finest catch. Laura listened in the soft darkness of the room and slowly, very slowly, felt herself relax.

Robbie could feel the tension start to drain from her shoulders ever so slightly so he continued talking and telling his story. He pulled in other elements to embroider his tale and even did the odd impression of some of the characters in his tale - cockney gangsters, chancers and trouble makers. At one point he thought he felt Laura smile, even laugh a little, and her body softened a little more as she relaxed.

Robbie, encouraged by signs of her relaxing a little continued his story. At the very least, he thought, it was the distraction she had asked for. He spoke of east end pubs, west end clubs and fights and close calls. The tale had started in Newcastle and ended back there via a night sleeping rough on Brighton beach.

His story gradually came to a natural end and silence settled over them. He continued to stroke her hair and in his embrace he could feel that she was tending towards sleep. Her breathing was relaxed and her feet and body now warm. She had gradually uncurled herself from the tucked up protective ball she'd formed when he'd first got into bed with her. Robbie didn't disturb her anymore than he had to and reached for the switch to turn off the light and they were suddenly in darkness in the bedroom. In her half sleep Laura shifted into what was obviously a more comfortable position and Robbie waited for her to settle again before he allowed himself to move. It wasn't his normal sleeping position but he wanted to stay close to her incase she awoke. He was glad for now she'd dropped off and that her body and mind had permitted her to do so.

When he was sure she was asleep he let himself slip into a half sleep but he remained on alert while he dozed. He didn't want her to wake and find him asleep.

Eventually, in the early hours, she'd talked.


	4. Chapter 4

The rain had been falling steadily all night and the wind had come in strong forceful gusts and lashed it against the windows. The air was still cold and the remnants of yet another storm rumbled across Oxford. The steady and heavy thrum of the rain drumming upon the roof tiles pulled Robbie from his half doze and he was fully awake before a low and loud timpani of thunder seemed to shake the whole house. Laura started up in her sleep with a jolt.

"It's ok - it's just thunder" he reassured her with a whisper. She grasped at him. Her breathing was rapid for a few seconds and then it slowed in relief when she realised that she wasn't on her own - he was there and awake. He pulled her closer to him.

"You ok?" He said quietly

"Yes"

"Good"

He could feel her heart racing for a brief moment and as the thunder passed it slowed and the claw like grasp of her hand softened as she calmed again. He felt her head tilt towards him, seeking his face in the darkness.

"Robbie?"

"Mmm?"

"I had to asses a child at the Radcliffe"

He waited a moment before responding, to see if she was going to continue. She did.

That night he learnt that it wasn't dealing with the dead that caused her anguish; it was the living.

As a pathologist Laura was often required to not only investigate the dead but to also assess victims who were still alive. Some only just so – hooked up to machines and pumped with medication, hanging on by a thread to a life that someone else had deemed not worth living. Other victims were very much alive and aware and in shock. Many were vulnerable by default - the very young and the old and those with troubles before anything else beset them. Just like the dead, their bodies told a story about what had happened to them; bruises, broken skin, roughly healed breaks in long ago battered bones - all told a tale that sometimes the person could not, or would not, tell for themselves.

As the rain drummed down onto the roof and the thunder rumbled across the city it was Laura's turn to tell a story. Like Robbie's it was true but unlike his there was no artistic embellishments, just the stark black and white of the facts. Robbie listened while slowly she rendered a picture for him of her day. She carefully drew, in delicate fragile lines the horror she had seen. Laura's canvas was primed with the dark tones of inhumanity and she described to Robbie, in stark reality, the simple cruelty of those who were supposed to protect the people they were harming. She spoke in detail about the little girl that she'd had to assess due to suspicious injuries. They were injuries that had almost gone unnoticed. Luckily the paediatrician in charge was experienced and had flagged up some bruises that to him were alarming. Laura, being on call had been drafted in to assess the child further after the police were called. She had discovered that the bruises were just the tip of the iceberg of abuse the girl had been suffering.

Laura told Robbie of the evidence she'd found on the girl that catalogued what had been going on. After years of experience, and through pure science, Laura knew straight away, in vivid detail, what had been happening to the child.

Robbie sighed and shook his head at her words. She continued, her voice caught behind a tight throat of emotion. Robbie let her talk without interruption but held her close all the while. She wept again, sobbing this time and he was glad she was letting go. He knew full well that it was good to cry sometimes, but not always with just your own company. It was obviously something she had not wanted to show him but he hoped that letting go while he was there might ultimately help her.

Robbie soon realised that Laura took to heart each "live" case she became involved in. He knew that the assessment of the victim was just the start. Laura witnessed the victim's terror and fear and actual injuries. Not only this, she then became a protector for them. Being called as an expert witness meant that she was a vital part of the justice process. It was this pressure she put on herself that brought on the hopelessness and the darkness. This was part of the anguish for Laura and Robbie realised, as she continued to talk, that it was this part of her work and what it ultimately entailed that sometimes took the majority of her emotional energy just when she needed it the most.

She talked about the process; the bureaucracy. He knew a bit of it himself, being required to give evidence was part and parcel of the job but to be an expert witness was something he'd not thought would be a challenge to Laura – or at least one she kept hidden from others. She was always so assertive and powerful when he'd seen her in court but she revealed to him and him only that it was sometimes a personal trial for her, each time it involved a living victim. When she needed to be focused and calm, the part that required all the fire and energy was burnt out and almost extinguished. Her tears dried and then the anger of the situation surfaced as she continued to talk.

"Even with the clear stack of evidence, Robbie, I have to face the bloody barristers who I know will twist and undermine everything even hard scientific facts. It's right that I should be challenged, I know that, mistakes are made but in cases like this, where it's clearly _abuse_ they will do whatever it takes to refute the evidence and the facts. It feels like none of them care, it's just a game, it's another notch on their career bedpost. It's a fucking self-perpetuating old boys club, no - it's actually more of a bloody mafia, there are some women I know who are just as bad as the men. If I don't stand a chance, if I can't make my voice heard what hope is there for her or others like her, when she has to live the rest of her life knowing that the system has failed her when I did everything I could to help her? It's not just her, it's all the other children, the beaten and assaulted women, the elderly who have been abused in the places where they're supposed to be protected. . . "

Her voice broke again. Robbie could feel the tension returning to her body. It was time to step in and try to talk to her.

"Listen, those barristers, You're a threat to them. You're brilliant at what you do and they know it. I've seen you up there before them all, you're terrifying to them because you speak the truth and you're so bold and strong when you do. If it wasn't you up there. . ."

"I'm no good in a crisis, Robbie, I just go to pieces"

"That's not true"

"It is, Robbie, I can cope with the dead. I can help them when they're beyond help and I can help the people whom they mattered to. But I can't help the living. In the lab, I have order and mastery over everything. I can quantify and extrapolate and turn evidence into reasons and fact. There's nowhere else to go other than the truth"

"To some people that would be a crisis. I don't know _anyone_ else who can do what you do – give answers to people at _their_ time of crisis."

"But the living, Robbie, I can't help them. I can't . . ."

"That's not true either. You're just feeling overwhelmed because you've had a bad few weeks. It's natural surely?"

"Robbie, I feel guilty for feeling like this when I know that little girl is in torment _right now_ and she'll have that torment all her life - and I can't just deal with it for one bloody night. And then I do deal with it, or rather I push it away, and I can focus and then I feel guilty for pushing it away. I become another cold unfeeling element in the process". The tears sprung up again in her eyes and flooded and stung her cheeks.

"You have to push it away, Love. There's no other way for you to get on with the job if you don't, and if you dont do your job you can't help her or others like her"

He held her close and tried to comfort her as best he could. Despite the starkness of the facts he knew she wasn't thinking clearly. The darkness of the case had stricken her and the accumulated stress of weeks of other traumatic cases had shaken her resolve like the wind outside had lashed at the spring buds of the trees. He carefully wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. His lips were close to her ear and he spoke gently and quietly to her in an attempt to soothe her.

"You can't change all of the world all of the time." He pulled her close "No matter how brilliant you are" He squeezed her to emphasise the fact that he was talking about her. He nuzzled his lips into her hair and kissed her before continuing to speak "Sometimes things are just broken. All you can do is to just do what you can with those broken bits. You can only do your best. I know that's what you'll always do and you always have."

Her tears started to slow as he talked.

"People are strong you know, there's no reason this little girl can't survive this and you doing your part is the start of that for her. I know it's not that simple, people slip through, but you've done what you can and you will continue to. You _do_ make a difference to them."

"Sometimes it doesn't feel like I do, sometimes I feel like there's no point to my work"

"I know, I understand. But it's the middle of the night and things always seem a bit worse in the middle of the night; when you can't sleep and it's dark outside and in and what with the wind and rain it's difficult to see what's rational thought or not"

Laura wiped at her eyes. He was right. She smiled weakly to herself. He always had a knack of saying things that were obvious in a simple way, with a gentle voice. She knew he also spoke from experience. No one else she had ever had a relationship with understood where she was coming from. But _he_ did. That in itself was a comfort to her. That's why she had let him in, only him, to what she felt were her failings. She had never let anyone else in like she had done just now.

"I suppose so" She said, almost whispering

He kissed her again and gave her a reassuring squeeze. For the second time that night his words and the sound of his voice had calmed her and she felt her muscles soften away from the stress that had gathered in her body. He continued to hold her and stroke her hair. The tension that had returned began to ease again and with the feel of Robbie holding her and the comfort of the bed, Laura felt the balm of sleep eventually take her again.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning dawned cold and wet again. All throughout the early hours the rain fell steadily on the roof tiles, a constant soothing sound, one that belied the disturbed atmosphere. It was still chilly and the sky remained troubled with clouds from the unstable cold air in the upper atmosphere.

Early in the morning, just as it was light, Laura awoke in Robbie's arms. He'd held her since she'd dropped off again. He'd been right. She had been able to sleep without the Valium. He'd been her sedative. He'd looked out for her all night and now he was asleep but he was still holding her. She took a deep breath, relieved that she'd been able to get some rest. She gently moved out from his embrace trying not to disturb him. He needed some rest and she knew he didn't sleep well unless he was on his back. In his slumber he shifted to what was obviously a more comfortable position and his breathing soon signaled he was fast asleep. Laura watched him for a minute and then turned to lie on her stomach and fell back to sleep again.

A few hours later she awoke again.

She felt the bed sink gently next to her and as she opened her eyes she saw Robbie was sitting on the edge of the bed. He was dressed and she saw the bedside clock read 10.34.

"Hello" He said gently with a smile, "You ok?"

"Mmm, I think so, yes" She stretched slowly

"How did you sleep?"

"Not too bad in the end" and she roused a weak smile for him. He simply nodded and returned the smile and then touched her cheek with his thumb. He could feel the glaze of dried tears on her face. Despite getting some sleep she still looked tired, troubled.

"I thought you could do with a bit of a lie-in. I can make breakfast, if you like?"

She yawned "No, it's ok, I'll do it, it's getting on. I should get up"

"You sure?"

"Yes"

"Ok, well I'm just going to pop out for some milk, is there anything you want?"

"I don't think so"

"Ok"

He stroked her cheek again

"Robbie?" She said as he got up to leave

"Mmm?" He said, his eyebrows raised, turning back to her

"Can we have one our Sundays?"

He smiled and looked at her, nodding slightly as he did.

"I think we can run to that"

She smiled back at him. He bent down and kissed her before getting up from the bed

"I won't be long"

"I'll make a start on breakfast"

At the shop Robbie bought milk and a paper and as he stood at the counter waiting to pay, he saw a bucket of daffodils. He picked a bunch out. Maybe they would cheer the day up a bit_. _

_One of our Sundays_ he thought as he walked back from the shop with the milk and flowers. He smiled. He knew exactly what she meant. A day spent doing nothing and everything, lazing about with each other, some nice food, maybe a drink at lunchtime, a film or some telly, relaxing on the sofa with the papers. Sometimes some of the afternoon in bed. . . He didn't know if they would be in the mood for that after the day and night she'd had. He frowned. He really hadn't expected her to cave in like he'd witnessed. He thought of her trademark brand of dark humour that she employed daily at work. He knew a lot of pathologists used it as a buffer against the horrors of their work but Laura used it mercilessly. Colleagues and associates would often remark about _Dr Hobson's cast iron gallows mask_. He now realised that it was a vital shield she used. It was a bright and tough defence but even the brightest of armor could tarnish if not cared for. Despite being shocked initially by her distress he was glad that maybe he'd helped her a bit and at least she'd not woken up groggy from a sedative.

Robbie turned into their road. The air was cold and the streets were still wet from the night's rain. The sky was cloudy and dull and heavy with more rain to come. Large drenching cold drops started to fall as he got back to the house. There was a bitter wind that keened around the streets and shook the tree branches and their tender new buds. The cherry tree at the end of the road had lost its blossom in the storm. Beneath its trunk a carpet of wet bruised petals had drifted in the wind into a thick carpet of pinks and browns.

It was definitely a day for staying indoors in front of the wood burning stove.

Back at home Robbie found Laura dressed and in the kitchen making breakfast. She was doing one of her fry-ups except it wasn't technically a fry-up, Robbie just called it that because it consisted of the full English breakfast works. It was mainly all grilled or baked with tomatoes and mushrooms and even the beans were not the sugary tinned ones but ones of her own recipe and making. He was glad to see her looking better for being up and dressed and selfishly glad she was doing one of her breakfasts.

He put the milk in the fridge then went up to her at the kitchen counter where she was slicing bread.

"This smells good"

From behind he kissed her on the cheek and then presented her with the daffodils.

"Thought these would add some cheer to a grey day"

"Thank you. They're lovely." She smiled. They did cheer her, almost instantly, with their glowing bright yellow trumpets. Robbie found a vase for them and put them on the kitchen table while Laura checked the contents of the oven.

"Your friend is waiting outside for you, by the way" she said as she put a pan of water on the hob for poached eggs.

"What's that?"

"Your blackbird, he was looking for you. He was on the pergola last time I saw"

Robbie went to the window. The blackbird was on top of the vine and spied him as he approached the door. As soon as Robbie put his hand on the door handle the blackbird swooped down and waited outside the back door as usual for his breakfast.

Laura came to the door and watched as Robbie threw some food down and talked to the bird. She laughed. He turned to her "What!?" He said, half frowning and half laughing

"A regular Pavlov's blackbird you've got there" she said, with a slightly cheeky tone and he saw her eyes sparkle. Maybe, he thought, she was getting back to herself.

"There's no need to be so scientific about it. He comes because he likes me. We get on, you and me, don't we lad?" he said to the bird.

She smiled "well, that's a nice notion I suppose"

Robbie gently threw some more seed down then closed the door on the cold rain and air as the blackbird finished eating.

"Either way, we've connected, on a bird to person level" he said as he went up to her and put his arms around her, pulling her towards him.

"Well he's a very lucky blackbird then" she looked at him and he raised his eyebrows in one of his _you're taking the mickey_ looks. She held his gaze and he looked down at her and pulled her a little closer.

"Are you alright?" He said softly

She looked back up at him, her eyes searching his "I'm getting there" she said, and she meant it. There was no need to fabricate or convey a sense of false wellbeing to him now. She knew she could tell him how she truly felt and talk to him if she needed to.

He smiled and nodded and, wrapping his arms around her back, pulled her into a reassuring hug. She let herself melt into him for a moment. She wasn't through the woods quite yet, but he had helped so much last night. She was very aware she'd allowed herself to let him.

He nuzzled his nose into her hair and kissed her. "Well, I'm glad you're feeling better because I'd rather have one of your fry ups than one of mine"

She laughed into his chest, burying her face into the soft lambswool of his sweater. He laughed back and smoothed her hair.

"I'd better get on with it then" she said, and she hugged him tightly for a few seconds before letting go and returning to the hob.

After breakfast Robbie cleared up the kitchen while Laura read the papers. This was their usual routine although Laura often ended up clearing and tidying alongside Robbie in the kitchen. Today, however, she retreated to the sofa, her legs tucked under her while she read the Saturday food supplement. It was about all she wanted to handle for now. She was feeling a little better but she knew the darkness from the events was still there, casting a long deep shadow into her mind. Had she been on her own she might have slipped back over and into the abyss but for now she was just on the edge of it.

She occasionally looked over to the kitchen where she could see Robbie clearing up the breakfast things; the cheery daffs he'd bought her were proclaiming the spring despite the cold almost wintry flavour of the weather outside. She watched him in between reading her magazine. He was drying utensils with a tea towel and putting them away. She smiled to herself. He'd been very respectful about where things went when he moved in and had been careful not to disrupt her domestic foibles. _Don't want to incur the Hobson wrath_ he'd said. She continued to watch him for a while. Like countless times before she took notice of the kindness in his face, the softness of his lips - relaxed and with an underlying smile of contentment that seemed to be there a lot these days. She sighed to herself. How had they ended up here, together? She realised how self-sufficient she had been yet so lonely. Of course she could live on her own, deal with her own problems in the only way she knew how, the only way she knew worked. But now he had helped her, in a very different way to what she had been used to.

Laura worked closely with other pathologists, her team and colleagues, and some of them had become good friends over the years, but she could not fully disclose even to them how things affected her. She had to set an example of strength to them so they could come to her for help. She wasn't foolish, she knew that by exposing some vulnerability to them gave them validation to allow them to explore their own issues. She was their mentor and often their rock and go to but as to the full extent of her emotions and feelings, she had not ever fully disclosed to anyone. She frequently had counselling but sometimes the process left her cold. Even in therapy she never quite broke down, she never really had done. She had been in several serious relationships with professional men in the same fields of work but even to them she had not allowed herself to expose things and become vulnerable like she had done the night before to Robbie. Somehow she had felt that she could let down her defences with him. She felt a tightness in her throat again, tears threatened, but this time they were partly from relief; as if all the years of holding back a tide of dark emotion she suddenly felt the dam had broken. It was painful but the sense of the relief was starting to wash over her. How simple it had been, the night before to just talk to him and know he wasn't judging her, to know he knew from his own work, where her emotions were springing from. He knew just as well that dark place that lurked behind the job. He was, in his own words _a seasoned old copper_ and she realised how resilient he was. He dealt with the most harrowing of cases without it seeming to affect him. She knew he wasn't immune. It was the cases that struck a personal chord that affected him but he always found a way through. Ultimately, his glass half full mentality won over.

She looked at him, as he wiped the table down with a cloth, catching the crumbs in his hand.

She laughed softly to herself as she saw a few go on the floor and he watched them fall and swore crossly to himself as he bent down to pick them up.

On the table the daffodils had opened up in the gentle warmth of the kitchen. Laura loved daffodils, and she realised that Robbie didn't know that about her. Such a trivial thing suddenly seemed so important. She remembered one relationship she'd had with an eminent neuroscientist. She had been enamoured by him and he'd lavished her with expensive gifts and huge bouquets of flowers. At first she'd enjoyed it but when the overpriced arrangements kept coming and the conversations between the two of them started to dry up, it soon became apparent that apart from a medical background at Oxford they had nothing in common. She recalled that the relationship ended abruptly with him sneering and taking great offence after she'd said she would have been happy with a bunch of daffodils instead of all the huge bouquets he was spending his money on. How was it, she thought, that sometimes the most important of things could pivot on the most simplest of things?

Over in the kitchen Robbie wrung out the dish cloth and placed it to dry over the tap. He went to the table and moved the vase of daffs so they sat in the centre of the table. With his jobs nearly done in the kitchen he looked up to check if Laura was ok. She was looking over at him. He smiled.

"Hope you're keeping a spot warm for me on there?" he said

She smiled back at him "always" she replied

He smiled back. "You alright?"

"Yes" she replied. And she was.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Thanks everyone for your lovely feedback and accolades. I'm so happy people are enjoying my stories and it really helps to inspire me to keep writing. I hope the chapter before last wasn't too heavy, I'm not sure that anyone would go into pathology and not know what to expect with regards to the psychological effects it could have, and I always thought that Laura knew this and that for the most part it wasn't a problem for her so I wanted to explore what it might be that would affect her- if it wasn't so much about the slicing and dicing of dead bodies. I often wondered if she had a choice between becoming a doctor/GP but maybe, for whatever reason, chose pathology instead, perhaps because dealing with the dead must, by default be very different to dealing with the living. So came the idea that it was this that ultimately causes any distress to Laura. Robbie, in the other hand is at the very front line of dealing with the living at their time of distress. So, we have a perfect partnership (as we all know!) between these two. Anyway thanks for reading and be warned that what now follows is fluff of the very heaviest tog rating. . .**

* * *

After tidying up, Robbie lit the stove and loaded it with logs. Then he joined Laura on the sofa and turned the tv on. After a while she unfurled her legs and stretched out. Her feet ended up in Robbie's lap. His hands went to her feet and he gently rubbed them in the hope it might comfort her further. She remained uncharacteristically quiet and he could tell things were still on her mind. He knew how much a foot rub usually soothed her after a hard day and quite often it was a payoff for him watching sport with the sound turned down low so she could read or sometimes use her tablet or laptop if she needed to work in the evenings. He also enjoyed doing it. Just the simple contact with her seemed to bring him a sense of contentment as much as it did for her. She continued to read the paper and, as Robbie found a tv channel with something worth watching his hands continued their ministrations and Laura felt herself relaxing. _Zoning out_ as one of her research students called it. Maybe it was a form of meditation, she wondered, because after a while all she could focus on was the feel of Robbie's touch on her feet and how wonderfully relaxing it felt. It was the only thing in the world at that moment. She let the paper drop to the floor and allowed herself to let go. No PMs, no results or barristers or irritated DIs or distraught relatives. No lost souls looking up at her from the morgue table or the hospital bay. Just the soothing sensation of another person's contact. The sensation was heightened know it was him doing it, someone who cared. Someone she loved.

In stark contrast to the night before, Laura's feet were warm to Robbie's touch. He glanced at her and saw she was perhaps relaxing. Her eyes were closed and she looked calm. Sometimes when he rubbed her feet he would tickle them but today he didn't want to disrupt any equilibrium, even in the form of a gentle tease. He simply carried on rubbing her feet while he watched the tv. After a while he looked over at her again. Her eyes were still closed and she now looked like she might have calmed a little. The frown that had been a fixture on her face since she'd arrived home the night before had softened. He smiled, relieved that he could help her if only a little bit. He continued to watch the tv and wondered if maybe she was asleep.

Laura wasn't asleep but she was deeply relaxed. Robbie had big hands, rough and almost clumsy looking, despite this, his touch on her feet was light and tender and she suddenly felt full of emotion for him, that he would do this for her, such a simple thing that helped her come back to herself, just like the night before when the softness of his voice had soothed her anxiety. Not like some of the men she'd had relationships with. They may have had smooth slender hands, but their touch had been nothing compared to Robbie's simple and genuine touch. She'd had her fair share of men but none lived up to Robbie and his sweet unassuming caring nature. She opened her eyes. He looked over at her and she smiled at him. Gently he lifted her foot up a little and placed a soft kiss on her Achilles heel. He smiled at her and gave her a wink and then continued to watch the tv.

Eventually, almost reluctantly, Laura moved from the sofa and went upstairs and spent some time in her study. Robbie could hear she was gathering her papers and printing out documents for the coming week. This he was glad of. There was no way she would not go to work, but knowing she was preparing for the following morning could only be a good thing. He knew she would just keep on motoring through it all. He let her get on with it, as he would have done normally. After an hour or so she came back downstairs and Robbie made a pot of tea and they returned to the comfort of the woodburning stove and the sofa.

With the tea drunk Laura found herself curled up to Robbie again, head and hand on his chest and his arm around her.

He stroked her hair and chatted to her about the snooker, explaining rules and tactics and angles. She half listened as if drugged and his voice had the same effect on her as it had done the night before; soothing and calming.

The afternoon slipped by and as the hour started to tend to early evening Robbie's stomach started to rumble

"Do you want me to make tea?" He asked her as his stomach gurgled. He meant supper or dinner. She'd long got used to his northern terms that in general he didn't use but at home with her he'd reverted to using.

"No it's ok. I should shake a leg. What do you fancy?"

"Anything you like, love. You decide, you're cooking. If you don't feel like it we can get a takeaway if you fancy it?"

"No, it's ok, I'll cook."

He knew that she got some sort of solace from cooking and while he would have been happy to make something perfunctory for them both he was glad she would be doing it, mainly for her sake that she would get something decent to eat.

Laura went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. There was pasta from Robbie's favourite Italian deli and salad and olives. Fresh and quick and she knew Robbie loved his pasta. It wasn't a taxing meal to prepare by any means but she enjoyed putting simple elements together. She enjoyed making meals for him. He'd said to her how much he'd missed the very simple pleasure of sharing a meal with someone at the end of the day in the long stretch of time he'd been on his own. Within 15 minutes she had a meal on the table. Robbie opened a bottle of red and they sat down together to eat.

Later on, Robbie continued to watch the snooker, as usual Laura found herself getting drawn in to the quiet but intense drama. This usually annoyed her. She didn't see the point of watching sport but she had gradually found herself fascinated by it, and piqued by Robbie's interest in it. Over time she had learnt a lot about football and snooker and even darts but she wouldn't fully let on to him that she secretly enjoyed it. Tonight she couldn't muster the energy to deliver a tirade against the sport of watching sport so she gave herself a pass and snuggled up to Robbie, head on his chest while his arm rested protectively over her, occasionally soothing her with a gentle caress. She asked a few questions and found herself lulled by the quiet symphony of the noises of the match. Robbie chatted quietly to her now and again, keeping her up to date with what might happen in the next shot.

Sitting there, in front of the telly and the warmth of the log burner Robbie smiled to himself. He knew she was allowing herself to enjoy the match. She sometimes watched the darts with him as well. He knew she loved to dumbfound him with her razor quick calculations about all the various and possible combinations of throws that were a possibility to each player. Snooker was different, calmer and with a sense of decorum to the proceedings. A game of chance and calculation that also appealed to Laura's scientific brain, not that she would readily admit it. Robbie loved sport for all sorts of reasons. He'd liked to play as a younger man - cricket, tennis and squash, the odd game of pool when he'd been very young. Laura wasn't un-sporty, just not a very good spectator, preferring to be on the other side of the action whether it was bridge or chess or poker. With her dexterous surgery skills and her analytical mind Robbie trembled at the thought of her as an opponent in a game such as snooker or even darts. Tonight, she was quiet but asked about the player's form and whether Robbie rated him as a genius or not. After a while she asked him if he'd ever been to watch the snooker live.

"Val took us once, 1988 I think, up in Sheffield. It was a Christmas present, she had to get the tickets the year before. The kids thought it was hilarious, we were on telly, in the audience and they could see us back home"

Laura laughed "Was that when you had your Terry Wogan hair style?" she laughed again as she watched his face turn to a frown

"Hey, that's enough of your cheek, Hobson, thank you very much. Anyway, I've seen your photos from back then, but I wouldn't be so rude"

She laughed again

"touche" she said.

He laughed and tugged her close to him. He looked down and studied her face "You ok?"

"Yes, I'm ok, thank you" He bent down and placed a soft kiss on her lips then returned his attentions to the snooker.

After a while Laura got up and stretched herself. "I think I'll go for a bath and have the one I should have had last night"

"Ok love. You sure you don't want to wait and see who wins?"

"No, it looks pretty conclusive anyway"

"Ah, it could all change"

"Well you can tell me later, I'll let you enjoy it in peace"

"Will do" and he smiled at her as she made her way upstairs.

By the time the snooker had finished and Robbie had gone upstairs, Laura was already fast asleep in bed. He got ready for bed as quietly as he could and then slipped in beside her. He wanted to cuddle her, comfort her if only in her sleep but feared her waking so he simply turned out the light, not before kissing her lightly on her cheek. She didn't stir and Robbie settled himself down next to her.

Laura had slept deeply and dreamlessly for several hours. She'd gone to bed after a relaxing bath and dropped off to sleep straight away. When she awoke in the darkness, several hours later, she could hear Robbie snoring quietly next to her and she carefully got out of bed and went to the bathroom. Afterwards she found her way back to the bed, moonlight gently lighting her way, trying not to wake Robbie. She felt awake but calm and rested from the sleep and the quiet day she'd had. Outside the moon, flitting between clouds was high in a dark black sky. The remaining precipitation of the recent unsettled weather still worried the night and there was still a steady fall of rain in the air. Robbie had stopped snoring as she got back into bed. He'd woken up but not because she'd disturbed him. Although sleeping well himself, he'd sensed when she'd woken and it had roused him from his slumber.

"You alright?" Sleep had thickened his voice but he was soon awake, he was still vigilant for her wellbeing.

"I'm fine" and she found his hand in the darkness as she got back into bed. She settled back next to him and her arm went across his chest. He pulled her in closer.

"Thank you for looking after me, last night, and today" She whispered

"Don't be daft, you don't have to thank me"

"I do. I didn't mean to shut you out at first, last night. I'm sorry if I was a bit spiky. I suppose I've been used to dealing with stuff like this on my own."

"Well I know what that's like, not that it happens so much recently." He squeezed her gently to clarify her presence in his life not just in him arms. "It's no fun being awake with yourself when the black dog's at the bottom of the bed."

"Or taking a shit in my case"

He laughed softly. She was getting back to normal. "Don't be too hard on yourself. From what you've told me these things don't happen that often and you have things in place to deal with them"

"I do, but it helped last night, you talking to me"

"I bored you to sleep eh?"

"No, I'm being serious Robbie" Her voice was quiet but firm.

"I'm here, anytime. You don't need to keep stuff to yourself"

Laura smiled at his words. They were words she'd said to him many times over the years. He was certainly guilty of keeping things to himself, even now, but he was getting better. Sometimes he would worry about things and she would know something was bothering him. Gently, she would probe him to open up but it was sometimes like getting blood out of a stone. Then suddenly, like a storm on a spring day, it would break and he would tell her.

Now it felt like the shoe was on the other foot. Letting him see what she felt was her biggest weakness was a big step for her. There was no going back now, not that she wanted to. She had loved him for a long time, but the emotional bond between them now was as strong as it had ever been. She sighed. Robbie could hear it wasn't a contented sigh, but it had resolve and he sensed she was bracing herself mentally to the oncoming tide of what she had to deal with involving the case.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in to a reassuring embrace.

"Come on, Canny Lass" he said "You're alright"

"Not so canny at the moment, Robbie"

"Yes you are, You always are. You're _always_ my canny lass" He kissed her and continued to speak softly, his lips close to her ear "It's one of the things I thought, when I first met you, all those years ago. _She's a canny lass_ I thought. And you were."

It was an endearment that had come naturally, he hadn't had to think of it. Val had been his Bonnie lass, he would never call anyone else that again, but Laura was and always would be his Canny Lass.

He kissed her forehead and Laura felt herself softly sinking into the emotion of the moment. He continued to talk to her, gently and quietly.

He laughed softly. "You made mincemeat out of Morse."

Laura sighed again "Maybe. I think he had me sussed. I tried my best to play the strong woman in front of him, well, infront of everyone. For the most part I managed it but ultimately I think he knew how things got to me"

She was right. Robbie recalled many times when Morse had puzzled over Laura's attitude to her work, questioning why a woman would even want to go into such a career in the first instance. Once he had said her attitude was a front, to cope with the work. Robbie didn't tell Laura this, but continued to talk.

"Well he was very astute I suppose; but whatever he thought, he always respected you. He knew what an asset you were to his work"

"He was very kind to me once, when I'd let my guard down. God, I was nearly in tears and he could see I was. I think he could have been unkind or even taken advantage but he didn't."

"Aye, he was a good man, Morse, beneath that granite exterior, but regardless, he knew how brilliant you were at your job, even then." He paused "We both did. It was obvious what an asset you were to the force. _She'll run rings round us, me and Morse_, I thought, and you did. And as for playing the strong woman – you didn't need to then and you don't need to play it now, you don't need to play it because you _are_ a strong woman, you wouldn't be able to do what you do if you weren't. And it's not just with your work, it's you as you are. And you don't need me to tell you"

"I do, Robbie"

He pulled her in a little closer, his hand still in her hair, caressing her. He kissed her cheek and with his lips still close to her ear he continued to talk softly.

"No, you don't. You don't need me or _anyone_ to tell you. Listen - I thought all of this - I _knew_ all of this - a long time ago. Long before I fell in love with you"

Laura's heart missed a beat and the familiar swell of emotion she held for him rushed up inside her, stronger than she'd ever known. This was the first time he had referred to his love for her. She knew he loved her, but he had never really voiced it, in such clear words. She felt overwhelmed and tears pricked her eyes, her throat tightened and her stomach squeezed itself inwards. Love. She thought. Yes, this is Love.

Her hand went to his face in the darkness and she caressed his cheek. She moved so that her face was closer to his. She kissed his cheek once, twice, and on the third kiss she found his lips. He kissed her back in the darkness and his hands cupped her face. The kiss was soft and quietly urgent. The intensity of their emotions had rendered them almost silent, and the only sound was of their breath on their lips. Laura pulled away. Their eyes had adjusted to the half-darkness, somewhere outside the moon kept fading in and out from behind cloud. In the silver of the moonlight Laura looked at Robbie, their eyes locked together in the silence. Her heart was beating in her chest with pure emotion.

She started to speak "Robbie, I ..." she stopped. She felt so much for him right now, words were superfluous, unweighted in comparison to what she felt in her heart. Robbie saw the intensity in her eyes and instinctively his hand went over her heart and he could feel it pounding softly and rapidly beneath his palm. His breathing quickened, he too felt a surge of emotion for her, for them both, and likewise found words evaporate as they came to his lips.

The moonlight strengthened and glazed the room in silver and he saw her eyes shining. She bent forward and they kissed again and outside the rain finally slowed to a gentle shower and then stopped and then the only drops to fall were from the spring buds of the trees.

* * *

**AN: there's now a bonus M chapter between this and the next called "The waters wrecked the sky" you can find it on my profile page **

**ML**


	7. Chapter 7

Afterwards, they lay in the quiet of the morning. It was still dark. Outside the blackbird had begun to sing.

"It's the middle of the night but he's singing" said Laura with surprise.

"Aye, he's a keen lad, that blackbird" said Robbie "a bit of darkness before dawn won't stop him" He yawned.

"I'm sorry, Robbie, I woke you."

"I'm not complaining"

"You didn't get much sleep last night, though, looking after me."

"Ah, I'm ok. What about you though? You should sleep"

"I'm Ok too. I had a lie in and a lazy day. I'm fine."

They both lay quiet for a few moments, both seeing if sleep would return. It didn't, but they both felt at peace in the darkness despite its absence.

"Robbie, did you really sleep on Brighton beach?"

"Aye we did. Very uncomfortable, all those pebbles. I much prefer Scarborough. But I'll save that story for another time."

She smiled. "I want to hear about Scarborough but not if it comes after a bad day"

"Well maybe I'll tell you about it someday, when you've not had a bad day."

"Robbie?"

"Mmm?"

"tell me about when you fell in love with me."

She felt him smile. And so he told her, in his own words and with the soft quiet voice she loved about the slow dawning he'd had, sometimes painful, in coming to realise that he loved her. Laura listened, her head against his chest as he recounted all the times he'd thought about her, in a way that was just beyond wanting to be only friends. She recognised all the moments he talked about, some of them were points on the graph for her too. As with the night before she was soothed by his voice, more so by what he was telling her.

"It was gradual y'know? I kept realising I was thinking about you. A lot. I kept wanting to see you. I got jealous when I knew you were out on a date. I mean, this was quite a while before we got together, when I knew I wanted to ask you out, properly, y'know, not just as friends. Before that, quite a long time before that, but it was a bit like I didn't really realise what was happening."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I was still grieving I suppose, but you were always there for me. I felt like I was in a fog or a mist after Val died. It seemed like, you were the outstretched hand I could see poking out of the mist. And I didn't know it was your hand, it was just there for me. Ah, I dunno, I'm not making sense"

"You're making perfect, eloquent sense"

He sniffed bashfully "Well, anyway, I suppose things kept happening that made me realise how much I was relying on you and that you were a good friend, a proper friend to me, after what I'd been through. You weren't just a colleague; you'd become one of my dearest friends. I didn't know if I wanted more but at the back of my mind I knew that maybe I did."

He sighed. Sometimes just the recounting of events brought back the emotions he'd had at the time. He exhaled deeply before continuing.

"then there was that business with what's-his-name-Franco. That bought me up sharp." He sighed again as if in apology, and she stroked his chest in an unspoken acknowledgement of what he referred to, likewise returning an apology in her touch. His chest hummed slightly under her palm as he carried on speaking "I still couldn't seem to do anything about it. I think I thought you might think I was a bit pathetic, I mean, you're younger than me and attractive, and clever and, well, out of my league. I mean, why would you look twice at me I thought."

"Because you're kind and sweet and maddeningly attractive."

Robbie sniffed in self-deprecation "Anyway, I kept thinking of you, how much you meant to me, how pretty you looked at work or when we'd go out for drinks, and sometimes I wondered if maybe you were flirting with me, and I'd find myself liking it, and then I'd feel guilty and think of Val."

"Oh Robbie I'm sorry I. . ."

"No, Laura." His voice was gentle but firm. "You never did anything other than be kind and thoughtful and you knew how much a void Val left in my life, don't ever think otherwise"

He looked down at her, tilting her face gently to his, so as to make her look him in the eye, so she knew he meant what he said before continuing.

"I didn't know if you were seeing anyone anyway. I'd seen you out and about a few times, y'know, with other men and again, I felt guilty for feeling jealous, because it meant I had feelings for you, while I still missed Val so much. But I suppose I almost liked feeling jealous. And I think that's when I started to know I had to try and do something about myself." He sighed again. "And then Peterson was after you, and he's younger than me, handsome, and I thought: well that's that then. I mean, why wouldn't you? And I felt upset that we might not even be friends as much if you went with him."

He felt her smile against his skin as she spoke "You and Peterson were like two bristled up tom cats" she said and laughed softly. She knew Robbie had been jealous and if truth be told dating Peterson had been a bit of a test. Initially she had found him attractive, worth a punt, why not? she was single and so was he. "He asked me a lot of questions about you. I think he knew I fancied you. God he was boring. You're right to call him action man, my brothers had an action man with a cord you could pull and he'd shout out commands, just like Peterson."

They both laughed. Robbie pulled her a little closer "Ah well" he said "maybe we have him to thank for us being together because he was the kick up the backside I needed. You made it clear he wasn't your type and I was back to square one. But then, suddenly almost without warning that mist seemed to clear and suddenly I felt I could y'know go for it "

"And that's when you completely took me by surprise and held my hand by the canal" She looked up at him and smiled, with her eyes smiling too, the way he loved to see them.

"Did I take you by surprise, by doing that?"

She chuckled "Just a bit. Despite getting plenty of signals that you liked me, I was about to give up. Call up one of my internet dates."

Robbie smoothed her hair. He had hated the thought of her internet dating. From his point of view, with all the horrors he'd seen from such things, rather than the good aspects of it, to him It seemed bleak and dangerous.

"Did you have many of those?"

"Several. None floated my boat, obviously, and anyway they couldn't handle it, my job and me I suppose"

"You're not to be handled love, it not your fault they couldn't deal with it."

She smiled at how kindly and simply he phrased such a complex predicament.

"Anyway" he said "what about you? When did you fall for me eh?" He gave her a squeeze and it was his turn to feel her smile against his chest where she had laid her head.

"It was a long slow stumble with lots of bruises on the way." She said through her smile. He laughed softly at her words, nodding gently. He knew it was the truth. There had been lots of obstacles and dead ends in the way during their journey of getting together.

She spoke quietly but clearly and Robbie listened to her story of events "I remember after my 40th birthday party. I thought of all the single men I knew and part of me kept coming back to you. How lovely you were, kind and honest but with such a sadness around you."

Robbie pulled back slightly "that long ago?" He said with surprise

"Yes. I suddenly felt very drawn to you, in a different way than just being colleagues. And then we started chatting more, about work but I enjoyed spending time with you and I wanted to help you, in anyway I could, even though I fancied you like mad, even if it was just by being a friend."

"I know how much you still missed Val and despite my feelings for you, if I could have brought her back for you I would have, I would have given all this up for you to have not lost Val."

Robbie swallowed down a rising of emotion in his throat at her words. In the dark and after their closeness Laura found it easy to say the things that were in her heart. He looked down at her, with a frown, shaking his head at what she had said, but thanking her at the same time. He didn't speak, because he felt his emotion might crack his voice, so he said nothing and just continued to look at her, while her eyes, wide and full of truth, looked back at him in the moonlight. She smoothed her hand over his chest and then lay her head back upon it. He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips and kissed it. Like earlier they didn't need any more words.

Outside they could hear the liquid tones of the blackbird and they both were quiet, listening and holding each other in the darkness of the last hour before dawn before sleep eventually took them both again.

A while later the morning broke still and clear. The Atlantic depression had passed and the sky was blue and full of benign soft white clouds and bright sunshine. Robbie woke before his alarm went off. Laura was still sleeping. He watched her for a while. He thought back about the last couple of nights. It had been intensely emotional, for many reasons, but he was thankful that the prevailing undercurrent had been good and positive emotion in the end. He hoped she was ok with her work related issues. Just because he'd been there for her this one time didn't mean she was out of the woods. He knew himself there was no magic cure. She'd told him about her counselling routine and he was glad she had it in place. Counselling and therapy wasn't something that he felt he'd ever benefited from he thought to himself. Then he smiled sardonically as he watched her sleep. He'd never had any benefit from a counsellor but he'd spent many an hour with Laura throughout the years just talking to her, she letting him listen and gently offering advice and insight and giving him a way for him to find his own route through his problems. No different to a counsellor but so much better with her. He really owed her for it he thought to himself.

Despite being awake in the night Robbie didn't feel tired. He looked at the bedside clock. It was close to getting up time for Laura. He bent over and gave her a kiss on her cheek to rouse her and whispered that he was going to go and make a cup of tea. She stirred and smiled at him as she woke up and he was relieved to see she looked relaxed and rested.

After taking Laura a cup of tea Robbie made scrambled eggs and toast for them both. After breakfast Laura went to get ready for work and as Robbie started to clear the breakfast things he opened the back door onto the garden. He stepped out and breathed in the fresh spring air. The blackbird was there, waiting for him on the flagstones. Robbie threw down a handful of seed and the blackbird ate a few grains and then, cocking his head, made a high-pitched whistle of a noise. There was a rustle from the bushes at the back of the garden and suddenly a female blackbird appeared from the foliage. She was a beautiful nut brown colour with a bright eye and she watched warily from the edge of the bushes before hopping forward towards the male.

Robbie watched as the female bird made her way over the lawn "Who's that you've got there eh? She's a beauty." He said quietly to the male blackbird.

The female was cautious but eventually joined the male by the back door. The two birds ate the seed that Robbie had thrown down and after a short while they had finished the lot off. The female let out a shrill rapid scolding noise to the male and then flew off and over the wall.

Robbie laughed. "She's got you sussed lad!"

"Is that your blackbird again?" Robbie turned around, Laura was dressed and ready for work, she was smirking at him "What was all that racket about?"

Robbie laughed. "Ah, nothing he was just getting a rollicking off his missus"

"What?!"

"Oh aye, he's shacked up with a pretty little bird, she's got a noisy beak on her though." He went towards her "I told you, we're birds of a feather me and that blackbird - He's got his little feathered missus, and me, I've got you. Come here, sweet canny lass"

Despite her trademark smirk at the proceedings he laughed and pulled her into his arms and Laura felt the warmth of his sentiment as he hugged her tightly.

Robbie didn't want to let her go, to have her leave the house. If he was being truthful to himself he wanted to leave with her and go to the work she was going to face, as he had done for all his time in the force. He missed it but right now he missed working alongside her. He didn't say anything except continued to hold her, his nose in her hair breathing in her ready for work scent that he loved.

After a minute she looked up to him. Her face was serious now, eyes looking up at him, big and searching "Thanks for looking after me, Robbie"

He shook his head. "Thanks for looking after _me, _it's about time I gave something back to you, all those times you were there for me and I didn't even realise it"

She shook her head modestly almost in dismissal. There was shine of emotion in her eyes. She touched his cheek as she spoke "I know this isn't how you planned or expected this part of your life to be, Robbie, but I want you to know how happy I am, with you, how much you mean to me."

He looked down at her, emotion now tightening his throat. "I'm happy too" he said, looking at her knowing that what he was feeling in his heart was also showing in his eyes.

He hugged her close and kissed the top of her head. He felt how real she was in his arms and suddenly the culmination of all the years of loneliness seemed to drop away from behind him and all he felt he was left with, was that very moment, holding her and feeling her presence and that the future or the past didn't really matter, because it was now – 08.12 on a Monday morning in spring.

In the warm grip of Robbie's arms Laura thought of the night just passed. Their love making had been something beyond what she'd ever experienced before. It wasn't just the physical side, it had been more emotional, on a deeper level than she'd ever known. She felt her heart almost swell at the thought of how much love she felt for him. She knew it was because of the intensity of the last few days that had opened her up emotionally and that stress hormones would have had an effect, along with the heightened mental state that accompanied waking at an early hour, but the fact remained, they had reached a new level together. It was one that only came from experiencing pain, and perhaps from being older and more aware of time and how it somehow felt it was slipping away fast.

They both pulled away, an unspoken understanding between them, that she had to leave to go to work but both aware of the moment, feeling an intensity that reminded them of their closeness in the night.

"Come on, Doctor, you've got to get to work"

She nodded back at him and they both went to the hallway where she'd gathered her briefcases and laptop.

"Are you ready? Got everything you need?" He was fussing and unlike the night she'd returned home in a state she was thankful of it. She didn't need him to fuss but it suddenly felt good that he was.

"Yes." She said, sighing "I just have to get on with it now."

"You will. And you'll keep on doing everything for that little girl. In the lab, in your reports, in front of the Judge and the barristers. You'll help her and she won't even know but you will make a difference, you know that."

She nodded.

"You'll be fine. Stuff like this makes you stronger but you still have to carry the weight of it too. "

"Where did you get all these wise words from?" The smirk had returned, along with a sparkle of affection in her eyes

"It's all you've ever told me, over the years, when we'd go for a drink, when I needed to talk. It's all from you."

She smiled at his words, the smirk had gone and all that remained was pure affection. She gave him a final hug. "I'll see you tonight" she kissed him and then she was gone.

Outside, in the sunshine, Laura walked up the road to get to her car. She put her stuff in the boot and took a deep breath of the fresh air. The storm had cleared the sky to a vibrant and hopeful spring blue. The clouds billowed harmlessly into the heavens and the sun on her face made her feel good. Closing the boot of the car she glanced at the cherry tree at the end of the road. The tree was old and had a big sturdy trunk and a beautiful shape. Laura looked forward to its blossom each year and was suddenly aware that over the past few weeks she'd not noticed it bud and come into bloom. She'd been so busy with work, so wrapped up with case after case, that one of her favourite spring sights had passed her by. Not only that, but the blossom had obviously been ravaged by the storm only after just coming into bloom.

Laura looked at the petals on the ground and at the base of the tree. There'd be no fruit on it this year for the birds. Looking up to the top of the tree she saw Robbie's blackbird. He was on the top branch and as she looked up he started to sing, a clear crisp and liquid song. He didn't seem to care that the petals had gone over or that there'd be no fruit for him in the autumn. He was just being; right there and then. And below, picking through the debris of the petals, and finding plenty to eat there, Laura saw the female blackbird. She smiled and thought of Robbie's affection for the two birds. _There's his "missus"_ she thought. She looked up to the male _and there's her canny lad_. She smiled and her heart swelled a little at the sight of the two creatures. And as the blackbird sung his heart out at the top of the tree, Laura Hobson got in her car and headed off to work.

**AN: Thanks for reading if you got this far. This is the last chapter of this story, I think it's concluded as far as it can go. Despite there not being much plot I hope it was an enjoyable read. I enjoyed writing it, but I think for my next story it might be nice to get our heroes out of Oxford for a while ( they seem to spend a lot of time in the house in my stories so far!) Thanks again for your lovely feedback and comments / reviews they are all greatly appreciated and help me to keep on writing – so a big thank you to you all. Cheers. ML**


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